Confidence is the work of a decade.

I knew going into 2021 that choosing confidence as my Word of the Year would not be an easy task. What I didn’t realize was that confidence would be the work of a decade, if not more.

Six months into 2022, I’m finally ready to share my lessons on confidence in a way that feels authentic and honest. Thank you for being patient with my WotY posts, and thank you to everyone who encourage me to keep writing these posts.

I hope you enjoy this one, friends.

Lesson #1: Safety with self comes with confidence.

One of the reasons this post was challenging to write was because being confident has never come easy, especially when struggling with the wound of “not enough.” Not pretty enough, not smart enough, not this or that enough. When you’re constantly two to three steps away from the idea of “being enough,” your confidence takes a hit. Children of large multi-generational households, you may resonate with the experience of living under scrutinizing eyes comparing you to this cousin or that sibling, right? As Encanto showed, despite doing your best to smile and be there for your family, the cracks still appear from the weight of “not enough.”

In the process of pleasing others, we make it unsafe to be ourselves.

What I realized in the pursuit of (re)building my confidence was the connection between “being enough” and people-pleasing. Instead of “being enough” for myself, I had lived a majority of my life trying to be “good enough” for other people, creating cracks and gaping holes in my confidence. I was not at home in my body, in my mindset, and in my actions because I was creating a life for the sake of others. In the process of pleasing people, we make it unsafe for us to be ourselves.

By stepping out of my comfort zones, namely my people-pleasing behaviors, the wound of “not enough” continued healing. By reframing confidence as a perception of myself, not a perception of myself through the lens of others, I was able to feel safe in my body, mindset, and actions again. I was able to let the hidden parts of myself come out and play.

Instead of shying away from being called a bruha, I started embracing the wildness of my hair and my witchy tendencies. Instead of trying to be the “good, responsible one,” I let myself take risks and make mistakes and say, “No,” despite the tight grasp of utang na loob. By unapologetically being myself in an attempt to be more confident, I made it safe to be me again.

Lesson #2: Confident people know who they are and who they are not.

The more I practiced advocating for myself, I also learned that many of the things I strived for in life weren’t entirely my goals or aspirations. Despite having a non-traditional Filipino upbringing when it came to career, i.e. I wasn’t explicitly told to pursue medicine, or any career for that matter, my family’s experiences told through their stories and their beliefs when it came to money colored my perception of what I wanted to do when I “grow up.” No one outright told me, “You should be an architect,” but I can pinpoint several familial interactions that convinced me I should be an architect. If I’m being really honest with myself, a 4-year-old me actually wanted to be a princess or a mermaid, not an architect like I said in my college applications, which I truly believed at the time of writing said apps!!

When we’re able to let go of what’s not ours to hold and get clear on what is actually ours to hold, we become that much lighter to move towards our dreams—confidently and unapologetically.

4-year-old Anjeliqueca just wanted to draw and write. She wanted to draw princesses in pretty dresses, like Princess Serenity, or draw mermaids and whales and dolphins. I had only fooled myself into believing that I wanted to be an architect for 20+ years. But, I’m not an architect, nor do I want to be an architect—at least not now, or the foreseeable future. Instead, I think 4-year-old me would actually be much happier with who I’ve become and who I’m becoming; I get to draw and write whatever I want.

Knowing the difference between who I want to be and what people expect, or want, me to be has also boosted my confidence because I’m happier with who I am now and where I am in life. By getting clear on what I actually want for myself and my life, I have more motivation and confidence to pursue those desires. When we’re able to let go of what’s not ours to hold, like other people’s beliefs and expectations, and get clear on what is actually ours to hold, like our mindsets and actions, we become that much lighter to move towards our dreams—confidently and unapologetically.

Lesson #3: When we embody confidence, we are more focused on BEING.

Life these past six months have been full. Full of goodness, hard moments, and everything in between. Full of times where my confidence was lower than ever and times where I am inches away from everything I’ve ever wanted. Some days, I felt like an imposter who couldn’t possibly share lessons on confidence when I didn’t like how I look or couldn’t accept how I felt. Other days, I was focused on doing things I’ve never done before and making my dreams come true, step by step.

Here’s what happened in my life when I embodied confidence and was focused on being:

• I got my dream dog in the same breath that I started a part-time coaching job that is incredibly values-aligned, while filling up my coaching spots for the first time since I started coaching and applying to my first arts grant ever.

• I also completed one year of creating consistently and getting paid to make art, intuitively design oracle spreads, and connect with people supporting my creative and spiritual work.

• The second-best part about all these wins, aside from the wins themselves, is that I did it with rest, with ease, and without completely burning out.

As I mentioned in a previous IG post, ease isn’t always easy, but it does get easier. Despite old wounds resurfacing time and again, despite new challenges that come with growing up and living in a constantly tumultuous world, practicing confidence until it becomes like taking a deep breath—not always natural, but often intentional—started coming with more ease and less force. Focusing on embodying confidence these past six months, and the year leading up to 2022, helped me better understand myself, my relationships, how I move in the world, and how I want to live through each day. The lessons confidence continues to teach me also continues to clarify how I want to contribute to this world we live in and how I’d like to leave it kinder than yesterday.

With increased confidence, I’m more focused on what I value most: creativity, connection, and curiosity. I’m less concerned with how people will perceive me or receive what I give. I’m more focused on living and giving from a place of honesty, integrity, and abundance. While impact is more important than intention, I am less focused on doing or saying the “right” thing and more focused on learning as I go, then doing better once I know. Living confidently isn’t always easy, but it’s coming with more ease.

To me, confidence with ease is progress because confidence is the work of a decade, if not the work of a lifetime. When we have the courage to confidently live as ourselves, we also have the magic to create a life well-lived—and that’s no easy task.

Q: What might your life look like if you were more confident?

I’d love to hear your thoughts and support you in being more confident, friends. Comment below or send me a message; I reply to each one!

P.S. Want to live the life of your dreams? View some client love here and see if you’re ready to turn your dreams into reality. When you’re ready to join these kind humans in intentionally co-creating a life well-lived, book a 1:1 call with me and you’ll receive a free Dream Life Action Plan—no commitments required.

This post goes well with:

Lessons on Courage | Word of the Year 2020
9 Lessons Kindness Taught Me | Word of the Year 2019