How do you take care of you and express love to yourself?

In the final episode of our Self-Care and Skincare Conversations, we dive below skin-deep to discuss self-care and self-love. My best friend, Joan, and I share our self-care habits and self-love routines from the good to the could-be-better. We also talk about how we show up, care for and express love to others in our life.

Get curious with us and let’s explore the ways we show care and love to ourselves and the people in our lives. We’d love to read your questions to the questions we asked each other below.

What’s your self-care and self-love goal, intention or mantra?

Jel: For self-love, my mantra of the year is “I love all that I am and all that I can be.”

Broadly speaking for self-care, my mantra is “I am well,” because then I’m able to check-in to see if I am hydrating, eating, sleeping, moving my body, nurturing my relationships, living in the present moment as much as possible and moving forward in alignment with my values and dreams.

Joan: Your answer is so you. It’s like your skincare intention and philosophy, there’s multiple levels.

Jel: I don’t want to spend time and energy on anything that doesn’t check-off multiple boxes or isn’t multi-purpose.

Joan: Self-love for me right now is “Allow yourself to love yourself and just be yourself.” Self-care is “Give yourself time.” You set time to show loving acts for others, do the same for you. It’s not selfish to do.

How does self-care and self-love look like in your life? How do you stay aligned with your intentions or mantras?

Joan: Well your answer to this question is f—ing easy. I’m gonna have to think of mine.

Jel: I mean, yes, it’s a checklist and a guide. When I think of “I am well,” I can ask myself a series of questions: am I covering the bases, what needs more attention, what do I need more of right now?

Joan: Oh, okay. Now that you say that, I think my answer is pretty easy, too.

I’m borrowing language from the people in my life, but I ask myself, “When was the last time you took a break? Do I need a break now?” and then I can determine what I do during that break.

What are your keystone self-care and self-love habits or activities? What do you do well?

Joan: It’s been neglected lately, but I’m pretty good at going out and being active—whether it’s a hike or an easy walk around the block. Sometimes, all I need is a dance session in my room.

Jel: Mindfulness is one of my keystone self-care and self-love habits that I do well. I’ve been practicing mindfulness since I was freshman at USC. It’s as simple as tuning into my breath a couple times a day or focusing on one task at a time. Like, if I’m making tea or matcha, I lean into that task only and focus on my senses: touch, smell, taste.

Joan: I just want to add that our phone conversations and FaceTime sessions have become a keystone in my self-care/self-love habits. The whole LDF thing is a bummer, but I think we make it work.

LDF: Long-Distance Friendship

Jel: F—k yeah we do.

What can be improved in your self-care and self-love routines?

Joan: Adapting my need for movement and activeness to be indoors is a struggle. I’ve picked up yoga and meditation. BTW, that’s totally part of the many Jel-isms I’ve incorporated into my life!

Jel: Yessss, Jel-isms 🙌 I like it.

Joan: I also have a punching bag at home. I save that for when I’m stressed or angry. I used to box and it helped alleviate some of my stress and anger. The punching bag has been collecting dust and I’ve been wanting to get back to it.

Jel: I’m also struggling with movement which is ironic considering I’ve influenced you into exploring yoga and meditation. Yoga was a way for me to physically and mentally reset after coming home from school or work. Moving from desk to mat doesn’t have the same effect as it did when my workspace was out of the house, even if it was going to a coffee shop for a few hours.

How do you reset?

Joan: My bedroom is my sanctuary. If I’m in a rut, I like to change out my sheets. It breathes new life into my room. Side note, I want to try the linen sheets you’re always talking about.

Jel: Oooh, linen sheets are amazing! They keep your temperature regulated which makes sleep better and it feels soooo good to jump into a bed with so fresh and so soft linen sheets.

Cleaning the bathroom is my ultimate reset though. It’s a double reset when I make my own cleaning sprays to clean the bathroom.

The act of cleaning gets me moving and it is almost meditative—the scrubbing and getting things clear and shiny. The bathroom is also my sanctuary. It’s the place where I start my day intentionally, take my mini breaks throughout the day, and then treat myself with a long shower or bath.

And, cleaning the bathroom is the chore I’ve always had to. My Mamita has ingrained the art of a clean bathroom in me.

Joan: We do also love a good closet purge. I love it when we FaceTime and go through our closets together!

Another simple way to reset your space is lighting a candle!

Jel: David loves the candle you sent us! Lighting candles is one way he resets, too.

Joan: It’s from the Yoga Series from The Good Candle! I bought them online and I swear, they’re worth the risk.

Jel: Cleaning my desk and then lighting a candle is another one for me. I did that today.

Joan: Yes! Decluttering your personal space helps you declutter your mind—another Jel-ism I’ve picked up on. Wait…you also have a whole post on how to reset.

Note to reader from Joan: Click the link for more Jel-isms.

Jel: Honestly, minimalism is where it’s at.

Joan: I’m not there yet, HAHAHAHA.

What’s your indulgent form of self-care and self-love?

Joan: Jel, don’t judge. I know my skincare routine is getting obnoxiously complicated, but I’ve started giving myself a face massage!

Jel: I’m not judging! David massages my head when I get really bad migraines and it’s the best. Are you using a gua sha or face roller?? How are you massaging your face?? Tell me more!

Joan: Ugh, I want a David 😂 He also brushes your hair!!!

And no, I don’t use a face roller. I just use my hands to massage my face.

Jel: Haha, yes he does! He says it’s practice for if and when we have kids. It makes me feel like a princess and it’s actually one of my favorite luxury self-care and self-love activities. Except, lately I’ve been brushing my hair and massaging my scalp with tsubaki oil; it helps with the frizz.

Do you have anyone who supports you in your self-care and self-love practices?

Jel: You, Best, duh.

Joan: Obviously! Aside from me and David, of course.

Jel: In all seriousness, I do have a tendency to isolate when things are hard, so I constantly remind myself to connect with my support system as a form of self-care and community care. The people in my support system, aside from you and David, are my mom, my cousin, and a couple of friends from different circles in my life.

Joan: I definitely isolate myself too. But, I’ve learned to open up to my support systems. I go to you to talk things out. My younger cousins support me by being present. We don’t really talk about personal stuff, but they’ll keep me company when I need it the most. My friends at work help me destress. My dad is like all of the above...but, like, in his own weird way of being a dad.

How do you support others? How do you show your love for others?

Jel: When someone comes to me for support, I’ve gotten into the habit of asking if the person wants me to listen or if they want my opinion and advice.

Joan: I feel like I’m constantly calling/texting you for support. I always notice when you do that.

Jel: Aww, yay! The best way I show up and show affection for others is by letting someone know when I think of them via a text, video or phone call, and random letters in the mail. I’m not a big words of affirmation receiver, but I am a words of affirmation giver.

Joan: I struggle with words of affirmation! I feel like I’m an awkward receiver and giver.  

I’m an “acts of service” and “quality time” kind of gal. My favorite way of showing up and sharing love with people is through food. I think it’s the Filipino in me. I love cooking and dining with people—it’s my two top love languages in a single activity! I feel bad that I haven’t baked for you yet.

Jel: You’ve sent me tea and cookies! You also hang out with me while you’re cooking or baking. AND you shared your cookie recipe with me which David and I have been loving. I mean, it’s really more than I can ask for considering we are in a long-distance friendship and we can’t really travel to each other right now anyway.

Joan: We have a lot of things to do together when we are able to see each other.

Jel: Yes! In the meantime, distance and a pandemic can’t stop us from uncovering different topics and activities that create joy in our lives.

We’ve reached the end of our Self-Care and Skincare Conversations! In sharing what skincare, self-care and even self-love mean to us, we’ve uncovered a slew of questions and stories we have yet to discuss. If you liked this series and want more, let us know in the comments below.

Thank you for joining us on this journey! We hope that our conversations encourage you to start your own conversations about care and love, even if it’s only with yo self.

Q: What’s your favorite way to be loved and supported?

More Self-Care and Skincare Conversations with Joan + Jel

Part 1: Rapid-Fire Q+A
Part 2: Skincare Secrets
Part 3: Self-Care + Self-Love